To Dad...I love you

On this birthday I wrapped my dad's chocolates in

duct tape so he could use his knife to open it!

Dad did you know?

Dad did you know when I came to stay with you I questioned all my knowledge?

My experience with special needs was priceless for me to know.

But for you to need that special help I plead all I knew you'd never have to know.

Dad did you know our adventures together sometimes made me crazy?

The broken down truck, beings stung by the bee's, but not all adventures turned out like these.

Everyday drives turned into musical road shows with windows rolled down and the oldies a rockin'.

Dad did you know afternoons on the swing meant so much to me. I laughed at your farm stories, especially "the puss-eyed" cow, but I learned so much more from the man you are. We had teary talks of your sweet testimony and how you wanted your family to be: "faithful in the church know matter how hard things get, because we will be an eternal family and I won't take anything less."

Dad did you know conversations on the swing soon changed for all time.

Instead of happy cheerful talks a question came that still haunts my mind..

"Shelley, things aren't go so well, I know, do you think today will be my day to go"?

I broke into sobs thinking what I should say, as I thought, my answer came, only Heavenly Father knows that, but I'm sure today will be lots of fun, because I'm sure tomorrow will always come."

Dad did you know from then it was a daily question. With tears in your eyes you'd find me and say, "I think today is the day and I'm really scared. Take care of your mother, she'll need help along the way. I love her so much and don't want to leave her alone, but she is strong and is faithful and will make it I know!"

Dad did you know of my guilt on really hard day when frustration took over is some angry ways.

Over flowing toilets, the fire the flood. My plea to the Father went something like this, an hour at a time today is too much, let's try a minute, I think I can do that.

It shouldn't be about me, he feels lost and alone in this big scary world where he doesn't know where to go. Father protect him, love him and make him feel safe, my abilities a are small, but you can make small things great!

Dad did you know the last week of your life I wished I could suffer your pain and your strife. Your pain was so strong, we didn't know what to do except give you medicine every few minutes because overdosing at this point was not a concern. Unconscious, I sat by your side for three days without sleeping. In case you woke up I wanted you to see me, not the dark.

Dad did you know when Friday came your suffering in this earthly life would come to an end? Being unconscious for six days at 5:30 a.m. you opened you eyes to see your family once again.

You opened your eye but didn't see us, your earthly eyes were gone, it was with your spiritual eyes you were seeing. There were angels round about you filling up the room. You looked from side to side and a sweet smile of eternal peace came over you face

The vail was so thin I felt them too, what a glorious feeling, they had come for you. Now it turned to 6:04 and you closed your eyes. Holding your hand next to you I felt your spirit leave and soar. But in my selfishness I cried "Lord GIVE HIM BACK!" How could I live my life without you. My wedding, my children, everything to come. Dad, I need you there!

Dad did you know for a year and a half I haven't been able to share my feelings. I love you so much, life gets lonely without you. I don't want to think you will never come home. My heart still breaks when I look at your picture, but I sit next to you each day and we still have our talks. I know where you are and it's where you belong. I know the Father welcomed you. With open arms he tearfully said my Son, welcome home.

I love you Dad!