Pumpkin fairytales...

Once upon a time there was a faithful Madden in a

land where sugar and potatoes were plentiful.

The Madden felt very sick most of the time

and looked a lot like this.

After many years of suffering, mean doctors, surgeries

and many hospital stays, which could have had a tragic end with

a bite of the most feared beast in the land, the chicken.

The Madden found a doctor that might have

the answer. They called him the Man in Red.

His first idea was a terrible one. The magic shot turned

out to be strange and curious disease called "THE CHANGE"

which made men cry and little children run away.

It was even more feared than the chicken beast.

The hardest question was now to be asked, could the possibility

of a fairytale ending still come with out the possibility of bearing a child of her own.

The answer was yes, and she had the courage to do it.

So the surgery began.

(The Man in Red did most of the work, this was just an assistant)
As the faithful Madden was "gutted" (for a lack of better word) she knew
it may take a while, but she would soon be feeling like all

the other maddens in the land, perhaps like this...

And eventually there will be a happily ever after....

(Not to bad for my first fairytale huh?)

REALLY STUPID!!!

I know that everyone does stupid things, has stupid accidents or embarrassing moments, although I would have to contend I may have the biggest list!

Lets take a gander through last night. I get up to go to the bathroom (pretty normal right). I am finally standing and sitting on my own and I am fairly confident with my own abilities. Walking back to my chair I step on a pillow and start to fall, and in what seemed like slow motion I'm yelling (in my head) hhoollyy ccrraapp tthhiiss iiss ggooiinngg ttoo hhuurrt!!!! As my knee's hit the ground and my stomach hit the end of the recliner all I could think of was did I just bust open my gut, and are all of my innards now outtards.

I'll spare all the details of getting off the floor, crying, back into the chair, crying, a mother who makes everything better, more crying, a little dry heaving, pain meds and laying sleepless and in pain for the next 6 hours. I am happy to announce that all organs are in their proper order and the doctor said I should be ok but, if I start bleeding to go strait to the ER, otherwise, nothin' to worry about...

SERIOUSLY???

GREAT NEWS!!!

HA!

Made ya look :o)

(I'm getting a little desperate)

Pre-Surgery 101

I have been down this road to surgery before and I am pretty good at the preparations. But a good review always helps. We all know that when we get on that surgery table we are in our birthday suits until they decide to cover us with the large blue paper towel so these are my top three tip before surgery.

1. Shaving - I'm sure it's not attractive to lay there and let everyone see your leg hairs are long enough to be braided. I know my insides aren't going to be attractive, but there's nothing I can to about that. So, I will shave (but I don't want to do it too soon because I don't want to do it twice this week.)

2. Nails - I don't know if anyone else out there has ugly toes (a few years ago I studied at my dad's toes for the first time and I know where mine came from) but I like to polish them to make them look as much like normal as I can. A word of warning: if your finger nails are painted a dark color they will make you take it off because it screws up the oxygen monitor on your finger. So this time I am going for a bright pink on my toes and light shimmery pink (called first kiss) on my fingers!

3. Shower - This is a must have either the night before or the morning of surgery. That's right, nobody wants to stink underneath that blue paper towel. And, that's about all I have to say about that...

Then before you leave for the hospital there are some things you should have ready at home for your return.

1. Crackers, ice chips and diet coke. This is for all the nausea your going to have every time you move.

2. This could be the most important. You will definitely need entertainment. So if you don't have enough, borrow books and movies. This is also a time to do some simple sewing projects like cross stitching, crocheting, embroidery. Or there is the inevitable sleep from your pain induced coma.

3. And don't forget the endless supply of internet access so you can have contact with someone from the outside world so you don't go completely insane. This is a 2 recovery process we are talking about.

Best of all is the amazing nurse you have to take care of you, in my case my mom, until I run her ragged and then we may have to pay for a nanny service, or hire my niece to babysit me :0)

Relief

I know. No second guessing. The answer is clear. I am at peace. I'm in horrible pain, but at peace. I'm scared to death, but at peace. I desperately want to have my own babies, but I'm at peace. I KNOW. After 17 years of struggles, 7 surgeries and wondering why the Lord had forsaken me I now have the answer. He didn't forsake me. If I would have had a hysterectomy any earlier in my life it would have ruined me. I needed to have a mind and heart that were whole and healed. I didn't have that before now. What a true testament to me that there is a time and a season for everything. The Lords timetable is what we need to follow even if it takes 17 years. He knows when the time is right, and that time is now. I KNOW.

Grateful

I have to say that I sat down to write another post and I was going to call it "Ramblings of an insane woman" (pretty clever I know, I'll save that for later). But instead I realized that I need to give a shout out to all my peeps (I have to say that because I am a blubbering mess right now, and it makes me feel like a gangster and I think that is funny). I am realizing more and more how much love and support I have from my friends and family. I didn't want anyone to think I hadn't noticed and I am so GRATEFUL!! You will never know how your comments truly touch my heart and give me hope!

THANKS PEEPS :O)

Calm

Beginning the Calm

It is the 9 day count down to surgery. Nine days until a decision I am making will change my life forever. I keep praying and hoping for another conformation that I have made the right decision. I had a moment of clarity but I still second guess myself. But then I am brought back to the reality of the possibility of cancer. Watching my dad die from cancer, I know that is not something I ever want to face. So, I decided this is going to be a week of calm. A week to trust my instincts and know everything is in the hands of the Lord.

Bleeding hearts

Bleeding hearts have always been one of my

favorite flowers. I love the color, the shape and popping

them open... Anyway I love them.

I have had a lot of time to sit and think lately.

Because of so much pain I've also done lots of

soul searching. I know this surgery is going to change my life,

but I don't want it to ruin me.

I am a firm believer that, for example,

if you pray for patience, God will give

you a trial to see how well you do. I promise

IT WILL HAPPEN!!!

But I want to embrace this challenge

(now doesn't that just sound like I am asking for something even harder to come?)

I want to be a woman of faith.

A woman who is strong and of good courage.

I have a need to prove myself to others all of the time, but

this is different. I don't want to prove to other people

I'm a survivor, I need to prove it to myself.

I guess we'll see how long this lasts. I'm glad I wrote this down

because the next time I'm in intense pain I may have to look back on

this as a reminder that I'm not giving up :0)