Memory #1

Two years ago when my dad was still driving
he decided he wanted to have McDonald's for lunch.

No one thought anything of it until he went to to get the mail a few

days later and brought it

in the house on a McDonald's tray. For the

life of me I couldn't figure out what in the world it was

or where it had come from.

UNTIL...I saw the golden arches and then I knew!

A few day's before when he went to get his lunch he must have gone

inside and then put the food on a tray and walked out.

It was so funny and we were laughing so hard!!

I made him be serious so I could take a picture and

it turned out to look like a mug shot!!

HUMmmmm

***If your not feeling supportive of me

today don't bother reading any further***

There is a lot to think about when you have been awake since 3am. There are so many thoughts going through my head about my dad. Lots of I should haves, wish I would haves, why didn't I do more of this, why did I do that, and why did I get so impatient when he would ask the same question over and over and over and over again. I guess the big question is why do I allow Satan to put these thoughts in my head? Of course I could have done things better, there is always room for improvement in most aspects of all of our lives. But, how do other people go day by day and just handle it, and why does it feel like it is destroying me. Intellectually I know I was here for my dad and I did everything humanly possible to take care of him...I did my best. But, why do I feel my best is never good enough?

My health is also taking a nose dive!!! I was talking to my doctor and he said that when you are a primary caregiver most of your physical problems are lessened because you just can't deal with it and then when the person is gone you are hit full force with whatever you was going on physically. So I feel completely horrible and it is a bunch of random things. I have had SEVERAL migraines, a consistent headache for about 4 weeks now (not counting the migraines), I have a swollen gland, and ear ache, I'm dizzy and I feel like I am going to pass out all the time, my stomach is always upset and I keep throwing up (but I did lose 6 lbs in 3 days...I am still weighing the pros and cons to that one) and I am not sleeping...well does 3-4 hours a night for 2 weeks count? Plus my fibromyalgia is killing me, this morning I am having a hard time letting my clothes touch me because I hurt so bad. I know a lot of it is related to stress, we just can't make it go away.

As I have been writing this Heavenly Father blessed me with a memory. I think everyday my dad came to me and gave me one of those hugs that just make you feel safe. Each time he would get teary and say "I don't know what I would do without you. We couldn't make it if you weren't here" Wow, that's enough to make me cry. And every night after family prayer he would say "I love you Sherry" (most of the time he got it right but it was hilarious when he didn't). Then I would say something about it and he would cover his mouth and laugh until we all ended up crying.

I LOVE YOU DAD!!!

YEAH!!!!!

Good News!!! I was contacted by the genealogy society (where my aunt works) to type journals from the pioneers while they were crossing the plains. I get to do this from home and I am so excited that I am available to preform this great service.

Shout out to my peeps!

I can't even begin to tell all of you how much your love and support has meant to me in the last few days! To all that called, left sweet messages, traveled here for the funeral and kept me and my family in your thoughts and prayers, I thank you from the bottom of my heart!! What a blessing it is to know that we have the gospel in our lives and for the opportunity of eternal families. And, what a testimony builder these last three years have been for me of Gods love and compassion. I can't remember the scripture, but it says something about after much trial cometh the blessings, and I am feeling those now.

Returned Home

My sweet, sweet father passed away early this morning. What a comfort to know he is home and what a glorious reunion that must have been! But, he will be DEARLY missed!!!

Enduring to the end...

Last night was one of the most difficult nights of my life. My dad is so sick now, the nurses say he has days to weeks, not weeks to months like we had thought. His pain seems to be intolerable at times and to see him suffer is more difficult than I can put into words. I almost feel like I can say as a parent might that they would do ANYTHING to take the pain away...even take it on themselves. It is interesting to think that your heart can't be broken any further, until you realize that the morning has come and another day is going to begin. What an TRULY AMAZING man my dad is to have chosen to ENDURE TO THE END in this way. And what a humble servant to see him in so much pain and with his mind in the condition it is to still hear him cry out in prayer to his Father and thank him for his blessings.



This morning (meaning since 4am) I have not been able to get my emotions under control and without even realizing it I have been repeating the words of this hymn over and over in my head. Just now I understood what I had been telling myself for hours. Nights have turned out to be my scariest times because it seems like all of the most stressful times here are at night. This is my hymn:

Abide with me! Fast falls the even tide;
The darkness deepens. Lord with me abide!
When other helpers fail and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless oh, abide with me!

Swift to its close ebbs out life's little day.
Earth's joys grow dim; its glories pass away.
Change and decay in all around I see;
O thou who changest not, abide with me.

I need thy presence every passing hour.
What but thy grace can foil the tempter's power?
Who, like thyself, my guide and stay can be?
Thru cloud and sunshine, Lord, abide with me!

Thoughts

This has been a very difficult holiday season for myself and for my family. We got some sad news about my dad a few days before Christmas and it has made it really hard to enjoy much of anything. My focus has been on spending real quality time with my family and enjoying every last minute we have together. I am so grateful for all of my friends who are always giving me such great support on this blog or with phone calls. It is all of you that are making me strong enough to continue. I was looking through my book of quotes and found some of my favorites.


"I rejoice in belonging to such a loving and caring organization [as the Church]. No one knows better how to bear one another's burdens, mourn with those who mourn, and comfort those who stand in need of comfort. I choose to call it 'enduring together.' What happens to one happens to all. We endure together."May we be an instrument in lightening the burden of others."
"Enduring Together," Ensign, Nov. 2007, 11


"Through tears and trials, through fears and sorrows, through the heartache and loneliness of losing loved ones, there is assurance that life is everlasting. Our Lord and Savior is the living witness that such is so."
"I Know That My Redeemer Lives!" Ensign, May 2007, 25


"At . . . moments of crisis and challenge, some choose to abandon faith just at the time when it most needs to be embraced. Prayer is ignored at the very hour when it needs to be intensified. Virtue is carelessly tossed aside when it needs to be cherished. God is forsaken in the all-too-human yet mistaken fear that He has forsaken us. "The truth is that our only safety, our only security, our only hope is to hold fast to that which is good. As the mists of darkness gather around us, we are only lost if we choose to let go of the iron rod, which is the word of God."
"Faith, Service, Constancy," Ensign, Nov. 2006, 14

I am so appreciative that the Lord saw fit to bless me with an eternal family and for the knowledge of all the truths the gospel brings.