I have been doing a lot of soul searching over the past month. Reflecting on my life and commiserating about my health problems and how it seem SOOOO unfair that it seems I can NEVER seem to catch a break. A song came to my mind from the movie Mullon (sp).
Look at me
you may think you see who I really am
but you'll never know me
Every day
it's as if I play a part
now I see
I can fool the world
but I cannot fool my heart
Who is this girl I see
staring straight back at me
why is my reflection someone I don't know
must I pretend that I'm
someone else for all time
when will my reflection show
who I am inside
In reality I do know who I am, but my health problems have been preventing me from being the person I so desperately want to be. I want to be up everyday enjoying life, shopping, hanging out with friends, going to movies, parties, heck I don't care if it was dragging main street I just want to HAVE A LIFE!!! A friend recently asked me what I was going to do to fix those health problems. I have to say I was in shock because I am doing everything I can to fix them. I'm going to the doctor tomorrow to see if he can figure out ANYTHING different I can do. i also have the number for a PA, who I have heard is really good, that I might try if tomorrow doesn't pan out. Other than that I am at a complete loss.
I do have faith that everything happens for a reason and "shall be for my good" . I am holding on, but there must be something that I am missing because this has been a 30 year trial and I haven't got it right yet! By the way, it is 2:13 in the morning so if I have lots of mistakes I blame it on that and sinus medication :o)
1 comment:
HI, Shelley
It cannot be fun at all be be dealing with so much. You are just one person, and what you have seems to be a lot on your plate all at once. That is enough to make one go crazy, and yet you still are hanging in there and trying to make the best of what you have been given. I would say that the Lord is greatly pleased with you and your choices to move forward. The only thing I thought of while I was reading your post was that maybe you could ask for a Priesthood blessing from a home teacher or bishopric member, to help keep your spirit high. I am sure you have already done that, but sometimes it's just nice to hear Heavenly Father speak directly to us, to remind us that we are very much loved and not forsaken. I am due for a blessing myself. I could greatly use a recharge.
Love You Shelley, Tanya =)
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