Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Let's be honest...I need to VENT!!!!
The last few weeks have been a real bummer for me. I try to do my best to hide what is really going on but sometimes keeping up that act is too hard. I am facing several health problems, but one I hoped I would never have to deal with again...since I was 15 I mean. To all my fellow women and sufferers of what (for the time being) I deem the "curse," only because for me it last 15-20 days and the cramps are so bad I can't get out of bed. Then I have a 2 week break and then it begins again. It's been REALLY bad for the last 3 years but OUT OF CONTROL for about 6 months. All the cancer tests are negative...HURRAY!!!! I am on some birth control but because of my blood clots I have to take blood thinners at the same time, which STINKS! I am going through several treatments now and if in two weeks I am not doing considerably better it will be an exploratory surgery which could end up in a hysterectomy...which in all honesty I would rather die than have that happen. There is nothing I want more in life than to be a mom. Like my mom. I look at all my friends with their families and there is a definite ache inside my heart. Don't get me wrong I am so happy for them and their beautiful families, I JUST WANT TO BE A MOM!!!! I am only 31 and I feel like my time is running out. Why does LDS society (not the church, just some of the members) make single women feel that their "time is running out" or that I am already "an old maid." But, thanks to all of my friends and cousins (who I consider more than friends, and you know who you are) for always inviting the single gal to the movies even if it is a "date night" or at least I think it might have been. You are all amazing. Thanks for letting me vent! And to those who don't like what I wrote, sorry, but I feel better.
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6 comments:
sorry life is hard right now.
the sun will come out TOMORROW!
don't give up HOPE.
ps. not that you want to hear this, but i just have to remind you that you can be a MOM without being pregnant-- sometimes i think God blesses woman with hearts as big as yours with infertility because He knows that you can and will mother kids that you have not given birth to. your desire to MOTHER is a great gift and someday may be quite a blessing to children who have birth mothers who are unable to love like you could.
just a thought.
that i add humbly because i can't imagine enduring half the health challenges that you have.
don't forget-- hysterectomy is NOT the end of MOTHERING. you are a mother by nature and God has beautiful spirits He needs you to nurture...
but. i still hope with you that it doesn't come to that.
love, love you!!
Jen, thank you for ALWAYS saying things that make me feel better!!
I'm sorry that you're having all those medical problems. As for being an old maid....got you beat there. :)
Shel, I think you should read a post on my friend Brittney Quilter's blog. I can't remember if it's a private blog or not. She just posted it a few days ago. It's from her adoption class. She relates an analogy that I think applies so well to motherhood...and the waiting for, or lack of that blessing coming in this life. Her link is on my sidebar of my blog. I cried when I read it and thought, DUH! why didn't I think this up myself! It's really good. I love you Shel! If it is a private blog, I'll copy and paste it to an email for you. Phew! Long comment!
Shelley!
I found your blog through Lanette's. I'm sorry you're having a miserable time. I miss seeing you at the gym (or the grocery store!)--we bought a treadmill so I've been using that.
We should get together some time.
Take care.
Kimberlee
Shelley, I am so sorry. It seems that you have more than your share of heartache to deal with in this life. I'm not sure what to say, but that I know that God loves you and that in the end none of the blessings of motherhood will be denied to you.
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