This is a long one...

So 5 short day's after I had surgery I talked in church! It actually ended up being an amazing experience for me. I was so confused by my topic because I didn't feel like I had any experience in the area...it was Overcoming Adversity and Trusting in the Lord...hum, what could I possibly write about! The day after surgery I began to prepare because I was supposed to talk for 20 minutes! I was a little concerned that it might sound like I had written in on pain medication, but I got LOTS of positive feedback so I must have made sense. I told a few people I would put it up here, instead of having to send a bunch of email's. So, here it is!

Finding Strength in Adversity and Trusting in the Lord
This week has been so crazy! I knew I was going to have surgery on Tuesday, but I was so excited about this topic I wanted to talk anyway. I have had Brother Kennelly waiting on pins and needles as he has been hoping and praying I would be well enough to speak. I want to thank him for this opportunity. I feel so blessed to be able to speak on a topic that is so close to my heart. I pray that my thoughts will be clear and understandable and not reflect that I did just have surgery.
In a talk given by Elder Faust he states: "Here, then, is a great truth. In the pain, the agony, and the heroic endeavors of life we pass through a refiners fire, and the insignificant, and the unimportant in our lives can melt away...and make our faith bright, intact and strong." He goes on to say, "Into every life there come the painful, despairing days of adversity...There seems to be a full measure of anguish, sorrow, and often heartbreak for everyone including those who seek to do right and be faithful."
I want to briefly tell a story that is very close to my heart and share how I was able to find strength in adversity. Those who know me well know that I have had many trials in my life, as I am sure most of you have had as well. As I struggled with severe health problems tried to deal with post traumatic stress and depression, to a handful of other crazy and discouraging situations. When I moved to Logan to attend Utah State I remember finding myself hopeless and thinking, "There is no way a loving Father in Heaven could allow one of his children to go through so much pain without any relief in sight." Life seemed so hopeless, and I decided that the stress of trying to stay faithful and feeling like I was never good enough, was more than I could stand and I became inactive and lost my testimony. Hold that thought...
Hope was my answer to finding strength in adversity. I want to share a few scriptures that have really helped me to understand the topic of hope. 2 Nephi 31:20 says "Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ having a perfect brightness of hope and a love of God and for all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward feasting upon the word of Christ and endure to the end, behold thus saith the father ye shall have eternal life." I love how this describes hope as being a perfect brightness because hope is light.
Alma 34:41 "But, that ye have patience and bear with those afflictions, with a firm hope that ye shall one day rest from your afflictions." R. Scott Lloyd once said "Having ultimate hope does not mean we will always be rescued from proximate problems, but we will be rescued from everlasting death." As literal children of God, we need to recognize that we are never hopeless. For us, there is ALWAYS hope! Brother Lloyd also stated "hope in Christ...is not obtained without sacrifice. But once obtained, it becomes a well of water springing up into everlasting life."
Alma 26:27 "Now when our hearths were depressed and we were about to turn back, the Lord comforted us and said: Go...and bear with patience thine afflictions and I will give unto you success." Sister Elaine Jack stated "we can obtain hope by knowing the Savior, and life will often bring us heartache, devastation and despair but the gospel brings us hope." When I think of planting seeds I think of the BYU-I gardens, and if we plant the seeds of hope in our hearts they will also grow into a beautiful garden. Sister Jack goes on to say "...As all of you know daily living can be draining. The demands on women (men) seem to multiply. Personal lives can be in such chaos. Yet, hope stands as a beacon, warm, steady and inviting. It is reassuring to me that this quality I enjoy so much is also requisite for those who would follow the light and life of the Savior of the world."
Going on with my story... A few years after trying to go at life alone, I found myself on my knees praying for a way back to the gospel. In working with my bishop, things were headed in the right direction but still had such a feeling of hopelessness for ever having a happy life. I remember lying on my bed one day crying and pleading with my Heavenly Father to help me to know if he really knew what my life was like, if he really knew everything I was suffering from and if it would all be worth it in the end. In that moment I felt the loving arms of my Heavenly Father wrap around me, it was so real I actually thought it was my roommate giving me a hug after hearing me crying, but as I looked up all I saw was a picture of Christ on my wall and no one was around me. It was after this that I truly knew it was all worth it! And with many more sincere and heartfelt prayers things began to change. Which brings me to my next scripture.
Isaiah 49:15-16 "I will not forget thee. I have engraven thee upon the palms of my hands." I love this scripture because every time Christ looks at his hands I KNOW he is reminded of each of us. Elder Maxwell stated: "Hope beckons all of us to come Home where a glow reflects the Light of the World who’s brightness and glory defy all description. Jesus waits with open arms to receive those who finally overcome by faith and hope."
Some of the best and my favorite examples of adversity come from the pioneers. I had ancestors that came in the Martin handcart company and their experiences have been recorded in the book "The Price We Paid." Written from the journal of Elizabeth Jackson, her story is told.-----What an inspiration she has been to me and all of those who have read her words.
I am a very literal person and I do best when I have a list in front of me that tells me exactly what to do. I have often found myself asking the question how do you trust in the Lord, and I wanted a checklist to tell me what to do. For a long time I couldn't figure this out. As I think of trusting in the Lord a cute story comes to my mind that I read from the book "Chicken Soup for the Soul." "Soon after her brother was born, little Sachi Began to ask her parents to leave her alone with the new baby. They worried that like most four-year-olds, she might feel jealous and want to hit or shake him, so they said no. But she showed no signs of jealousy. She treated the baby with kindness and her pleas to be left alone with him became more urgent. So, trusting in the Lord, they decide to allow it. She went into the baby’s room and shut the door, but it opened a crack-enough for her curious parents to peek in and listen. They saw little Sachi walk quietly up to her baby brother, put her face close to his and say quietly, "baby, tell me what God feels like. I am starting to forget." This is a simple story of trusting the Lord and the sweet tender moment these parents were able to witness because of that trust.
In Proverbs 3:5-6 it reads "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths." To trust God we need to remember what he feels like just like the story showed. To me one of the most obvious feelings of God is that of peace. A question we often ask is Where can I turn for peace? In the second verse of this hymn it gives a very clear answer. "Where when my aching grows, where when I languish, where in my need to know, where can I run? Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish. Who, who can understand? He, only one." The Lord is the only one who can give us true and everlasting peace.
Once I was told that you can’t grow in life without growing pains. I believe this is true. To ‘grow’ through the challenges in our lives we need to be able to find and have peace. In an April 1997 conference talk "His Peace" given by Dennis E. Simmons he tells of the Saviors last few days of mortal ministry. He told his disciples he was leaving and that where he was going they could not follow. Elder Simmons states "Fear, frustration and concern must have gripped these humble disciples. Jesus had been there security, their help, their light. What could they do without his direction, his instruction, His example, His comfort? In love and compassion, the Master assured them: "I will not leave you comfortless:...I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another comforter, that he may abide with you for ever; even the Spirit of Truth; Whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knowth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with you...." In John 14:27 it reads, "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you; not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." As latter day saints we need to remember that we are promised His peace, not the temporal peace or happiness the world might offer, but the peace of the Lord. Jesus finished teaching his disciples with the scripture ‘these things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation; but be of good cheer; "I have overcome the world (John 16:33). To me, this is such an awe inspiring thought that gives me so much hope!!
I know that Christ has overcome the world for all of us and that his peace is always available to us. If we seek for His peace we will find it. Elder Simmons goes on to say that "In mortality tribulation would continue. But in the midst of that tribulation His followers would have peace in Him. In other words, even if all the world is crumbling around us, the promised Comforter will provide His peace as a result of true discipleship. Ultimate total peace will come, of course, because He overcame the world. But, we can have His peace with us irrespective of the troubles of the world. His peace is that peace, that serenity, that comfort spoken to our hearts and minds by the comforter, the Holy Ghost, as we strive to follow Him and keep his commandments."
So, how do we trust in the Lord? I have found the answer in my prayers. Each day as I pray I remind myself that the Lord has my best interests at heart. He knows the things that I don’t know. He has the eternal perspective. It really is as easy as saying the words. "Heavenly Father help me to trust in you."
I want to finish my story now. As I began to trust in the Lord, my attitude changed. Instead of having the panicked thought "I won’t be able to handle it if anything else goes wrong, my plate is full and anything else no matter how big or small will be too much for me" I began reminding myself that with Heavenly Father, all things are possible. I knew I couldn’t do anything without his help, no matter what the problem was. I decided I was willing take it one day, even one minute at a time if I had to. This made a huge difference to me. Instead of expecting the negative I started to hope for the positive. While changing this thought process in my head I was able to start living the gospel to the fullest and was able to feel the joy that living the gospel brought. I realized that I didn’t just believe in the church, I KNEW it was true, I knew it with my whole heart. There really isn’t another way to explain it other than to say I felt the joy of the gospel exploding inside of me. I wanted to tell everyone how true it was. And I am not talking about knocking on someone’s door, I was thinking about shouting from the rooftops. I had had a mighty change of heart. Life still is far from easy, but I remind myself daily of that joy I felt.
I want to testify that I KNOW the gospel is true. I also know that without all of the adversity I would never know this amount of joy. I testify that each of us can overcome adversity and trust in the Lord as long as we know we can do nothing without his help. With God, all things are possible. I have a testimony of families and I am so grateful they are forever. I am so grateful for loving parents who never gave up on me. I am grateful for repentance and the Atonement so we can remain with Heavenly Father even though I have many shortcomings. I know Joseph Smith is a true prophet and I know that the Book of Mormon is true and it does contain all the answers. I know that prayer is a way to have direct communication with Heavenly Father and it is a blessing beyond our comprehension most of the time. I love my Father in Heaven with all of my heart, I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ Amen.