You can just call me RAD

In my last post I said I was going to the doctor to try to find more answers as to why I always feel like crap. I did get an answer that will solve some of my problems. I found out that I am totally RAD, or you could just say that I have Reactive Airway Disease. It has a lot to do with asthma which I already knew I had, the doctor just defined it a little better by saying the my lungs are chronically obstructed. That is why I always have a cough!

My immediate thought was "AM I EVER GOING TO CATCH A BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!" I do not want to spend the rest of my life on steroids and all of their side effects (the two most evil words in the world WEIGHT GAIN, which started my problem in the first place) and after those 5 seconds elapsed the doctor said "I want to put you on inhaled steroids which don't have any side effects!" YAHOO!!!!!! That made the news almost bearable.

So, I will continue to sit here with my inhaled steroids, tissues, humidifier, nebulizer, cough drops, and a great love story on the Hallmark channel and hope this cold/RAD episode will go away quickly. OOOHHH, my mom just bought me jello!

Reflections...

I have been doing a lot of soul searching over the past month. Reflecting on my life and commiserating about my health problems and how it seem SOOOO unfair that it seems I can NEVER seem to catch a break. A song came to my mind from the movie Mullon (sp).

Look at me
you may think you see who I really am
but you'll never know me
Every day
it's as if I play a part
now I see
I can fool the world
but I cannot fool my heart

Who is this girl I see
staring straight back at me
why is my reflection someone I don't know
must I pretend that I'm
someone else for all time
when will my reflection show
who I am inside

In reality I do know who I am, but my health problems have been preventing me from being the person I so desperately want to be. I want to be up everyday enjoying life, shopping, hanging out with friends, going to movies, parties, heck I don't care if it was dragging main street I just want to HAVE A LIFE!!! A friend recently asked me what I was going to do to fix those health problems. I have to say I was in shock because I am doing everything I can to fix them. I'm going to the doctor tomorrow to see if he can figure out ANYTHING different I can do. i also have the number for a PA, who I have heard is really good, that I might try if tomorrow doesn't pan out. Other than that I am at a complete loss.

I do have faith that everything happens for a reason and "shall be for my good" . I am holding on, but there must be something that I am missing because this has been a 30 year trial and I haven't got it right yet! By the way, it is 2:13 in the morning so if I have lots of mistakes I blame it on that and sinus medication :o)

Christmas Stash

So I did say in an earlier post that Santa though someone was VERY good this year. Because my mom gives all of us money for Christmas we buy all of our own presents and have it be a surprise for everyone else :o) This is what I bought (with a little of my own money too, even though I got it on an insane sale it was still pricey). I still haven't completely figured out how to use it, but I am getting close.

Then, I received a back payment from our lovely government so I treated myself to something I have wanted for a long time!

This is the new ipod nano with a touch screen, and YES I have fallen in love with it!!! Well, as much as I can fall in love with something that I just figured out how to charge...quit laughing, my brain is on overload and I can almost feel the steam coming out of my ears. By the 8th (the first anniversary of my dad's death) if I haven't had a complete nervous breakdown and been put in Blackfoot south (the psych hospital) I think I might make it through the year. So pray for me, unless you have secret feelings of wanting my institutionalized. Anyway, back to the ipod, tomorrow I have to feel it full of my favorite songs so I can be ready to start my first day of exercise in the new year, on Monday. Ok, I said it, now there is no turning back.....Lanette, we need to talk :o)